Our Will Post 2
Our Will 5.
Every day for 2 weeks I would hobble down to a pond on the land, lie on my back to reduce the spasms, and struggle to determine what Will meant. I came up with a number of possibilities:
Will: The ability to control actions by determination
Will: The control of our spiritual self
Will: Control over us by others such as angels, spiritual guides, God
Will: Desire to live
Although none of these ‘felt’ right, my desire to live Will was being directly affected by my pain and lack of physical capacity. I could not even deal with the herniated disc, as that was dependent upon a medical system that had no interest in helping me, only their own rules and money. …/6
Our Will 6.
Finally, in desperation I thought I would just give up trying to figure things out, hoping for a better outcome. My logical brain was worn out, it was time to try the emotional side. I threw my arms up into the heavens in complete surrender. I really meant it when I cried, “Fine, I give up! Do with me whatever you will. Just tell me what to do and I will do it!”
Falling back onto the ground I waited, feeling empty, useless, and without any sense of power at all. It seemed like nothing I did was worthwhile, that I had no value, and I was trapped in a life that was not of my making. I was definitely an ‘in-valid’.
The day ended. Chilled by the evening dew I got up, felt around, hoping for some sign or indication from whomever I had surrendered to. NOTHING, not even a hint. So, that was that. A lot of NOTHING, no answers, no solutions, no value. Sighing deeply I made my way to my house and the remaining 4 months of unraveling myself before treatment. It took more than 15 years before I found out what Will was, the right Will to surrender. …/7
Our Will 7.
If we consider Will as the ability to control events/outcomes by determination an interesting discovery occurs. It concerns Expectations. We THINK that we are in control of our expectations. I mean that our logical, conscious mind, believes that it is fully aware of the expectations we have when we act deliberately. There are also those times in which we believe that we act without intentions (expectations).
Here is an example: “I give you this gift without expectations”. How true is this statement? Usually when we give a gift we have many assumptions, such the person who received the gift will appreciate it, use it the way we want, or will thank us. …/8
Our Will 8.
Continuing with the gift example – What happens when we are not thanked, when the receiver of the gift does not show appreciation, does not respect it, or does not do what we want them to do with the gift? How do you feel? How do you feel when you do not get a gift of equal value in return? Birthday and holiday gifts are particular examples. And gifts in relationships are even more loaded with expectations.
Is there even such a thing as unconditional love (discussed later in this series)?
Regardless of what our reasoning, or logical, mind claims, it is the emotional, core part of us to which we must pay attention. This part of us always has expectations in everything we do. …/9
To be continued …
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